The Yoanna Technique

I want to share with you guys something I learned from a girl back when I was in High School. You know how school is - with 'dem homework and assignments.  Well, here in Romania we have those too. A lot of it. Especially for Math and Physics. 

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Ever thought what to do when your dog ate your homework or your little brother tore it apart and flushed it down the toilet, and no one would believe you? The Yoanna Technique is for those moments. 

Imagine this. The teacher waltz in. Sits down on his throne. Opens the magic book that has everyone's name in it. The classroom a church. Him the priest. And everyone saying their Holy Mary's and invoking their guardian angel thinking,

"I hope the fucker doesn't call out my name."

And he would.


Some of these times they would call Yoanna's name. Yoanna never got a small grade for not doing her homework. Why, you may ask? Well, that's because she had developed a technique that would fight back in such moments.

"Yoanna, have you done your homework?" the teacher would ask without looking at her. You know, waiting for an answer from the pupil.

Yoanna would say nothing. 

The teacher would now look at her. "Yoanna, did you hear me? Have you done your homework?"

Yoanna, stern like a fucking statue, says nothing. Not a word. Straight eye contact. No movement. She looked like a holy mountain in these moments. Pissin' on the Everest from above with her black hair and angel lips. The class would be silent together with her.

The teacher would take a pen. "Yoanna, why are you not answering?"


"If you don't say something I will give you a "4"." (equivalent of an F in USA)


"Yoanna did the cat eat your tongue? Say something!"

She would arrange her hair slightly.

The teacher would look at her. We would look at each other then at the teacher. The showdown was ON. Who would win? Who would take home a bloody book - the teacher or Yoanna's legs (she might've been on her period, we can't know for sure).

The teacher would lower his eyes in his book. 


Flip to another page.

DEFEAT. The class roaring at this point deep inside. The mountain still holy, still virgin and black. If you'd stare at Yoanna in these moments you'd be blinded by her tremendous aura.

This is the "Yoanna Technique", as I like to call it. People, in these sort of situations, expect a "Yes", "No" or any sort of other word/phrase that tells them some sort of information. If you sit there and don't say anything, it will drive them crazy. What should they do? They haven't been trained for a No-Answer-Situation. 

It has been quite some years since then while I have tested the technique with some friends and I can tell you...

It works.

Use it wisely.

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